nomie's Xanga

Saturday, August 30, 2003

Sat, 30 Aug 2003 05:24:31 GMT

i never wanted to get married. i never wanted to have babies. i never wanted stability. recently i have started to think i want these things

Saturday, May 31, 2003

Sat, 31 May 2003 13:09:17 GMT

i am 17,drunk and on this fuckin internet searching for a fuckin rave to attend and take some drugs. instead newcastle is boring. yes i want to fill the gap in my soul. yes i want to forget who i am. i am sick of good girl attitude. i want to blank out. i don't even know myself. deAr friends are youworried? don't be. im going to be just fine. i have never known god and i have never known myself or anyone else if i think about it for longer then 23.4 seconds. B Y E

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Thu, 27 Mar 2003 08:39:52 GMT

i am so easily amused. sitting here laughing at myself and i am not even doing anything funny. too much caffiene. too much thinking. im not innarested!

Monday, March 24, 2003

Mon, 24 Mar 2003 06:50:47 GMT

i stutter out a conversation down glowing fibre optic then crawl away from it all, trying to sleep but the light peeks through the blind and a tiny clock ticks louder then my heart which is racing and my tears are slow dancing on the pillow. they call this something but i am not sure. tell me it is worth it.

Thursday, March 20, 2003

Thu, 20 Mar 2003 08:32:40 GMT

*THREE THOUGHTS FROM TODAY*

With me, Flags and weapons, The world exists for whom? Today. Look down nasty pacifist – look down, Maybe we can all look down. Maybe we can, Use this opportunity to denounce corporate greed, You’ve got large fries and a billion chances, Tell me, For who do we breathe? Today.

I can’t sleep today at this desk, For fear that the little people have to see this, He is tiny and for that I am lucky, This will not affect our world of fragile minds? I could fall to my knees, fall apart, and pass out. Smile- your government loves you.

LUCKY FOR ME, THIS TIME I AM SNEAKING GLANCES AT MY OWN REFLECTION, IT GETS THIS BAD SOMETIMES, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS TREND, PEOPLE LIKE SHEEP ON THE RUN, ESCAPE THE MUNDANE, I COULD BE ASLEEP, AND I BELIEVE THAT IT WOULDN’T MATTER, YOU HAVE OPTIONS, LUCKY FOR YOU.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Wed, 19 Mar 2003 00:17:07 GMT

memory is slowly getting weaker. forgetting passwords and numbers, indices, denominators? i dont know what song it is that makes me cry untill i want to burst. been dreaming about dresses and fast cars, water pistols, home. this morning was hard. a friend asked me "why do we want things so much?, why cant we be happy with what we have?" i am not sure what she wants or if its just the drugs. i am sad. what should i do today? every option seems pointless if there is no you. im getting worse. you said " stop looking in the car, stupid car, why do you even care?" in my dream this morning and you were right, i don't care. about you or how happy or sad you are, or the fun things you do (minus me, plus someone else equally interesting if not more) i dont care anymore about what you eat or drink or how many hours you sleep. i dont care because you dont want me to.

Saturday, March 08, 2003

Sat, 08 Mar 2003 05:33:40 GMT

a tiny picnic rug, a game i can't play alone, some words. you left me these things. it gets worse every day here. my little brother might not be so pure. parents losing more sanity every time i breathe. i suppose im losing weight. drinking too much (just maybe). working too hard and not hard enough. im waiting for a few days and then ill tell you if ill be a mother.the garden loves this weather. i love me and i love you. i am trying to think of things to give to you. i dont have much. but as much as anyone i guess. tears, affection, whispers, heart beats, pain, war, love.

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 11:39:39 GMT

words from the eternally bored

i am happy with the way my day moved along like water in a whirlpool today, yes. i love my mental breakdowns, beats the daily grind. i am happy with the filthy language i heard on the bus today. a class less society, australia? never.

i expect to come home to my father feeding the chickens and my mother roasting potatos. what is this? where am i supposed to be? 17... not all its cracked up to be. ill give myself a few more years. because i am happy with this nausea. this constant tick....

i am happy?

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 11:35:17 GMT

now i am not a feminist but..

a wench with a wrench????

Sunday, March 02, 2003

Sun, 02 Mar 2003 08:48:51 GMT

when will my little white teeth stop grinding? i sometimes wonder if i really exist. how can i watch people pay the picket fence? I am young and I am stupid. my ideas will change from this a thousand times, ill say one day that i wasnt in love, i will tick off a list of perfect failures, i will laugh in the face and then it will end.